Hangover Cures – The Trifecta

March 7, 2013

I’m so jacked up for the Night Cap this Friday. But with all the delicious drinks we’re serving, I’m just assuming and preparing for a nasty hangover on Saturday. So I thought I’d turn to Nobler Mark for some advice. Being that we tend to be a part of creating each other’s hangovers, it only seems fair that he’d part of the solution…


Just as booze comes in countless nuanced varieties, so does the hangover.  Since this is all very scientific, I’ve separated the 3 major areas of affectedness and applied a few remedies accordingly.  Just a quick note before beginning: Every one of these treatments begins with Advil and Coffee.  Lots of coffee.  Like, all of the coffee.  This first step is necessary and can just be assumed hereafter.

The Head – For a general fuzziness in the dome, look no further than a hearty Brunch, replete with your favorite early cocktail.  The Pimm’s Cup is a dark horse favorite.  Fill up on nutrients and slip right back into a comfortable buzz and all will be well.  A pounding headache, however, is another story.  After the requisite Advil and Coffee I find the two biggest priorities are hydration and sugar.  Thankfully, some genius invented coconut water, which should at least get you started on the long path to recovery.  Also, sunglasses.

The Heart[burn] – What do you do when all that whiskey that was keeping you warm last night leaves you with a gut full of smoldering embers? Pickles. This probably seems counter-intuitive, and I don’t have an explanation, but that’s the answer. Pickles will settle your stomach enough to get you started on that tall Bloody Mary of salvation.  ”Vinegar and spice, everything’s nice.”  Remember that. That’s gonna be a thing now.

The Body – Hangover Legs!  I was introduced to this phenomenon by Nobler Sean back in college, but never experienced it until years later. It’s not too terribly unpleasant (for the uninitiated it kind of feels like lactic acid build-up from an intense workout) but it tends to stick around all day.  For this one I recommend copious stretching, followed by eating your weight in Chinese Food.  Any greasy-spoon comfort food will do the trick really, along with a refreshing beer or two. 




  1. All sound advice. My ounce of prevention is simply to stumble to the bathroom before bed and find some sort of Tylenol or Advil type thing and some Tums. Follow those two things with a tall glass if water, or two glasses if you can take it. Doing this after drinking will ease you into your next day with a more gentle hand.

    In the morning I like greasy food and a cocktail with loads of bitters.

  2. Carl and I were just discussing our game plan for Saturday’s hangover. Maybe you should have a hangover-remedy parting gift.

  3. For the upset tummy, never discount the healing power of Alka Seltzer. It’s kinda old school, but it works. And don’t forget to drink lots of water before bedtime. If your stomach can handle it.

    For the following morning, definitely coffee and Advil. It took an NIH funded study to prove that it’s effective (your tax dolars at work!). After that, I like toast with butter and orange marmalade, yogurt, a banana, and some sort of egg dish (over easy is an addiction lately). Home fries are nice too. Never did the “hair of the dog” thing. In my younger days, I would just take a break in the afternoon and start back up again in the evening. Thankfully, I don’t get hangovers too often. Unless of course I’m drinking cocktails. Those things are deadly and WAY too drinkable.

  4. Its all about having the nightstand prepped with a huge water and advil, chugging those a few hours before you get up can do miracles…

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